Originally Posted by Hilario113
I actually think it's a pretty cool setup. I know you won't listen, but your format is a little tough on the eyes. Too much underlining, caps, and ->/ type business. Some of the dialogue feels rushed as well, but that's an easy fix.
Thanks Hilario, I appreciate that.
It's a very rushed, and "hush-hush" type of story, so the dialogue has to rushed and hush-hush as well, to feel real. Plus, I'm over my (ideal) page count, so the story's gotta move fast!
The formatting I played with a lot. Too much. It almost made me crazy trying to settle on a style. I know it's a little chaotic at first, but this format is what I thought worked best for the entire script. It has to be super consistent (and efficient) to guide the reader through the rapidly unfolding plot and story.
I first saw the underlining format idea from reading the "Safe House" (2012) script by David Guggenheim. It helped me read his script, and I instantly adopted it as my own. Gave it my own spin.
I understand what Guggenheim was going for, with it. "Safe House" is getting made, so other people must as well...
Underlining, for some scripts, is exactly the type of focus required to keep a fast moving story moving fast, unfolding fast and staying cohesive.
The underlining and key words also really helped me in the writing process as well.
-- Thinking like a producer -- I tried to format the script is such a way as to make it easy for directors, producer or accountants to break down. When you clearly lay out the visuals that guide the story it helps for things like budgeting, pre-viz, props, locations and stuff.
I think you'll like how it unfolds.
Originally Posted by Patrick Sweeney
Cut all the camera directions. That ought to reduce your page count by 10%. Seriously. Way too much "panning scanning zooming pulling back closing in revealing" going on in just the first couple of pages.
I include camera directions only when they move the story forward. And trust me, you need them to move the story forward and to "see the movie".
Using this sort of format is the most efficient for the reader, and is not done in such a way as to limit the imagination of the shots, but rather the opposite. I specifically tailored the formatting to stir the imagination, open shot/angle possibilities for a potential Director.
Again, if you can get used to the format/coding, so you don't see it, but rather see the story that it sets up, you have a much deeper and more enjoyable experience.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe Unidos
I think this is where Randy Jackson would ask leadingly, "How do you think you did?"
I'm feeling good about it.
So far, no one seems to have any issues with the story, which is the most important part. The dialogue can be worked easily (before or during production), the script formatting can be changed easily, as well. The story itself cannot be changed easily, that's the part that must be solid. No easy task. I think it is solid.
Do you?
Not everyone has the depth of mind, and/or attention capacity (span) to get into this story. PHARAOH gets really deep, let me tell you...
Some people will only get a couple pages in before they max/fade out. I'm most interested in hearing from the people that can read it, that are able to see the story, and that see what I'm going for with it.
It took me years just to wrap my brain around the story myself, to map it out and see it as a whole. It took another year or so to distill it into something that can be extrapolated quickly and easily by the average (normal attention span) reader
A lot of people in Hollywood are not big on reading, so you need to hook them fast, with the minimum words (reading exertion time) possible, for maximum results.
I think that I have done this with PHARAOH, but I guess we'll see.
Originally Posted by Patrick Sweeney
If I were writing the script of Pharaoh's Big Hollywood Adventure, next I'd have Julian post that he's heard from reliable inside sources that Spielberg, Cameron, Scott, Bruckheimer, Bay, etc., love the script and think it's a sure-fire box-office hit ... but the big-money insiders are quashing the project because it's such a paradigm-changer it will upset the Hollywood applecart. Too daring, too risky ... too far ahead of its time.
Who are these "big-money insiders" you speak of? Banks?
What kind of "paradigm change" could/would/might PHARAOH bring is "too daring, too risky ... too far ahead of it's time" as to make these "big-money insiders" want to quash it? Rather than profit from it?
I may write the script of "Pharaoh's Big Hollywood Adventure" so I would love to hear an elaboration on this perspective.
Originally Posted by Joe Unidos
I have to wonder whether you realize how much your attitude is potentially off-putting ("Not everyone has the depth of mind, and/or attention capacity (span) to get into this story. PHARAOH gets really deep, let me tell you...", etc) and just don't care, or whether maybe you might think that you are presenting yourself as just a really enthusiastic guy. If it's the latter, I would suggest that you could get a lot more mileage if you tempered your enthusiasm with a little more humility and maybe scaled back to salesman sh1t a little.
Also, definitely re-evaulate the website because it is DEFINITELY not showing you in the manner you think it is. Seriously. Good luck.
"If people can't handle the truth, it's really not my problem" -- Ramona Singer
I am a really enthusiastic guy. I'm also very passionate about my Art, and I put myself out there with it. That is what Artists do. I do it for the people that like Art, not for the people that never will because "I don't like your attitude."
Hollywood doesn't give a sh*t about your attitude as long as you can or are making money. Trust me. That I know first hand.
I'm a very confident person, I always have been. I have learned that some people will resent you for your confidence, or success (and for whatever it comes from) and there is nothing you can do about. Worrying about it is not productive, and will "temper" your Art.
All you can/must do is back up what you say. Put your writing where your mouth is. That's what I'm doing.
Quote:
“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”
-- Steve Jobs
Originally Posted by Patrick Sweeney
When this script doesn't sell, I highly doubt you're going to come back here saying, "Well, I guess you all were right, I got so caught up in my own hype that I took the script out before I'd really honed my craft." I'm sure it's going to be another fairy tale about how all your big important director friends loved loved loved it but couldn't buy it because x y z.
If the script doesn't sell, I'll be okay with that. That may sound strange, but it's the truth. I can always write another one, right?
My time will come, that I have no doubt about.
I've learned so much, and grown so much in writing it, that I feel I have already won. No amount of money could give me the feelings I got from the journey of writing and finishing this script. And nothing can take that away from me.
Writing PHARAOH was never about the money for me. It was always about following my heart, personal growth, and self discovery, everything else is secondary. But as I developed it, I have really come to realize just how big the market potential for PHARAOH is. HUGE. There are billions of people around the world with similar interests as me, who would pay to see PHARAOH as a movie. Or buy stock in the PHARAOH IPO...
One of my goals in developing my writing, was to get to the day when I could write a script and post it on a Screenwriter forum and it would stand up. No easy task, as anyone who's been around knows. Many scripts that are getting made would be ripped to shreds if posted on a screenwriting forum. So on that front, I'm making progress... I know I'm on the right path.
I believe this script will sell. The interest in it is real, and growing by the day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrick Sweeney
But you already knew that's what I meant - you're just so deep into your own hype now that you have to pretend not to understand anyone who's not playing along.
You are playing along my friend, just by joining in! And for that, I thank you.
I was honestly confused by what you were saying, but I think I have a better understanding now, where you are coming from.
Originally Posted by AJ_FIN
You haven't made enough money for anyone to have wrong attitude.
I don't have "wrong attitude".
If you think: "standing up for what you believe" = "wrong attitude"
...then we must agree to disagree. Because we never will, my friend.
If you won't stand up for your work, if you don't truly believe in it, and can't defend it against attacks, why/how should anyone else? Why should anyone invest millions in something you can't defend?
It's a classic ad hominem argument, to try and talk about me and my "attitude" rather than focus the discourse on my script.
...or for Patrick Sweeney to elaborate : )
People that go looking for a bad attitude, often find a bad attitude. People that go looking for something good, often find something good. That's how the world works.
I'm totally addicted to this, and I really should stop. I will, once I follow this thread through. To it's end game.
In the mean time, I think having too much fun...
Part one is coming down tomorrow. Get it now, or you'll have to get it from someone who did.
Part two is coming!
This thread is for people that want to learn and grow with me, and that are interested in my script and in bettering themselves and their writing, as I am.
If you can't separate and compartmentalize (if necessary) whatever you think of someone personally, from the market potential and intrigue of their script, or their acting, or directing, or partake in a learning experience with them, then I don't know what you are doing here.
This thread is to develop my story, after all.
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